im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
