Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
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When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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