is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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