There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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