I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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