So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
