they need to just BURY HIM!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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