That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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