We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize