i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
