Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
