That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
