I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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