Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
