dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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