real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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