just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
