Midget sex pt 2 tonight
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
