At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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