During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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