I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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