3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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