you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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