I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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