well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
