I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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