Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
