Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
