you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize