twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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