he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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