I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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