New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
