I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
