I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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