This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
