I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
