I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
