My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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