We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
