Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
