I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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