rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
