I faked an abortion last night.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
