There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
