I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
