You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
