Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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