i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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