found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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