remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
