I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
