At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
