it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
