I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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