Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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