Plan B is the new Plan A
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
