Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
