there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
