So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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