just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
