i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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