I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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