Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
