At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
