the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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