She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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