I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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