we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
